


What A Fuckin Heist Guys Amirite

by AphelionWrites



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Asphyxiation, Blow Jobs, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Dirty Talk, Fights, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Frottage, Its a fight, M/M, Minor Kismesissitude, Quadrant Confusion, dersite shadow magic, its gay n horny ok, let them Fuck, shadow magic transportation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 19:24:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AphelionWrites/pseuds/AphelionWrites
Summary: Its a heist and they fight and they fuck and its redpitch because theyre angry





	What A Fuckin Heist Guys Amirite

This was going to be the best fucking heist. They'd picked a great target, low employment, low security, big pay-dirt. This was his fucking baby. Slick was leaning against a wall by the vault door of the bank, opening and closing his butterfly knife with the walkie talkie crammed against his ear.  
"I've knocked out the dorks over on my end. Droog, what's the four one one?" The talkie crackled faintly, and Slick glanced at the row of unconscious carapacians lying beside one another. He grinned, but took notice when the handheld communication device crackled to life. Droog's voice was low and quiet.  
"On my way. Took care of the cameras, I"ll be along to help with the vault promptly. Boxcars?" The walkie crackled with the token muscle's familiar gravelly tenor.  
"This shit's perfect pal, Clubs got behind the counter and got the cashier looking fellas out and on the floor. Little shit's terrifying with lit dynamite between his teeth." Slick grinned. Everything was going perfectly. He flipped his knife open and shut. Open and shut. Everything was as quiet as it should be. Slick turned to the vault and ran a hand over it's door, talking quietly.  
"Don't worry little lady. Going t' bust you open soon, going to give me that good green, aren't you doll?" He smiled contently. Quite the good mood he was in, to be talking to inanimate objects. A low near monotone sounded behind him.  
"Are you talking to the vault?" Slick jumped, flicking his knife open again and spinning around to have it inches from Droog's throat.  
"No I wasn't talking to the fuckin' safe, you were talking to the safe, fuck off." Slick growled up at him, closing his knife with an irritated SNAP. "Sneak up on me again and I'll slit your throat." Droog's mouth twitched into a slight smirk.  
"Sure you will." He pushed past Slick and stood in front of the vault, cigarette between his fingers and trailing wispy grey. "Alright, time to pop this thing open. Right, boss?" Slick started fiddling with his knife again.  
"Of course ya fuckin' mook. That's the plan." Slick stepped forward and stood beside Droog, extending his non-metal hand and placing it against the door, fully extending his elbow. Droog copied the motion, staring down at the vault as if it had personally offended him. Although he looked like that most of the time. Grim and imposing. The ever-present mask of utter apathy. Slick's fingertips tingled with power, and he could see inside the door. He could feel Droog's presence too, spreading over the inside looking for the little mechanisms to flick open, hatches to pop.  
You start your own effort, vision sliding along metal struts and clasps, becoming aware of how to open the door without triggering some kind of alarm. He made a call, and pressed his fingertips against the door hard. Power rushed through his fingertips and shifted the mechanisms inside. Both mobsters heard a barely audible click, and Slick smirked in satisfaction. Droog glanced at him, but quickly returned his focus to the task at hand. He cut a wire, popped a clasp, and Slick was moving along with him, both of them a bit begrudgingly working together to open the safe with a practiced dance of sight and shadow. The safe finally opened, and both of the dersites stepped back as it swung open. The door moved slowly, and Slick impatiently struggled to shove the automatically slow door open faster. He could have sworn Droog chuckled, and he fixed him with a warning glance. The vault was stacked with cash, and Slick cracked his knuckles.  
"More of this, eh Droogy?" Droog made a thinly veiled sound of disgruntled dissent to the nickname.  
"Are we putting it through a portal?" Slick nodded.  
"Most of it. I like havin' some pocket cash." He ran a fingertip over the top of a pristine stack. "Now this is pocket money." Droog nearly unnoticeably rolled his eyes, pulling a card out of his vest pocket.  
"Hurry up." Slick walked to the back of the safe and concentrated, dragging a fingertip through the air. A purple trail followed it, and Slick quickly finished the rough circle. Droog flicked the card, now glowing with power, into the center and it immediately erupted into life. The main hall of the headquarters was now visible on the other side of the glowing ring.  
"Come on ya' beanpole. Let's get hauling." Slick started chucking piles of cash through the hole, but stopped in pure disgust as he noticed stacks neatly floating through, covered in purple translucent energy, and sitting themselves down on the other side. "Are you shittin' me?" Droog puffed a breath of smoke in his direction, leaning on the wall, hand aglow with purple.  
"Don't be a barbarian." Slick snarled, trying his best to knock over the neat piles with some halfhearted aim. It succeeded in knocking over a few bundles, making Droog's lip twitch with displeasure. The two continued their task in silence. Slick grumbled in Droog's direction as he threw an armful of stacks through the gateway.  
"You're wastin' energy." Droog blew a smoke ring, that slid into the shape of a diamond in midair.  
"I have plenty to spare." Slick's mouth twitched in irritation. Fuckin' prick, he ain't all that. Determined to be unpleasant, Slick pitched a fast one straight for Droog, and succeeded in pegging him between the eyes. Droog hissed in pain.  
"Great multitaskin'." Droog growled as dignified as he could.  
"It's always lovely to see you petty boss. It's a good look for you." Slick mumbled curses under his breath, throwing money through the gateway with gusto. When he knocked over an end table, Droog looked over at him and snapped, "Stop trying to break the furniture." Slick purposefully made a chair rattle with a well placed throw, and Droog twitched. Droog moved a massive amount of money towards the gate, purposefully knocking it into the back of Slick's head, his hat falling off. Droog smirked for a moment, vocalizing a particularly irksome, "Oops." Slick started flipping his knife around, fuming as he crammed his hat back on, counting how many Scottie dogs were in there first, of course. It was no time to lose your licorice. The job finally finished with a final and hearty chucking motion. The vault was empty, except for four individual bundles. Slick stretched, discretely wiping his forehead.  
"Excellent, right on schedule. We'll be leaving soon then." Droog's voice was laced with deceitful sweetness.  
"Yes, even with your primitive way of moving our haul, we still managed to get done on time." Slick's knife was buried in the wall of the safe near Droog's head, a clear, and purposeful yet very near miss.  
"Don't passive-aggressive me, pisshole. You lookin' to fight like men, or throw insults like the skinny pansy you are?" Slick's eyes glinted with a passionate love for violence. Droog huffed on his cigarette, still acting as though he were to dignified to sink to that standard. He didn't answer for a moment, blowing another smoke diamond.  
"If you'd like to boss. You're in charge, right? Although, clearly you aren't in charge of your own emotions." Slick's knife wrenched itself out of the wall and returned to Slick's hand, who flipped it open and shut threateningly.  
"Let's dance, Diamonds." Droog sighed, and stood back up on his two feet, only to lean to the left as a different knife whizzed by his head into the wall. Droog flicked a card from inside his suit and produced his pool cue.  
"Sorry boss, you missed." Slick had ran forward and Droog barely redirected a punch in time, body slamming Slick with his pool cue. The afore mentioned mob boss stumbled back, using his abilities to wrench the knife out of the wall and return it to his hand.  
"Who said I was trying to KILL-" Slick growled out as he threw a knife again, making Droog move to the side. A sharp pain on the side of his neck shocked him, as he'd walked right into the path of the second knife thrown afterwards, that cut a small nick into his carapace, reaching the flesh. Droog touched the mark, and rubbed his dark blood between his fingers.  
"You.. piece of shit." Droog's pool cue became covered in purple, and he slammed Slick in the chest with the thick end. Slick hit the floor a few feet away from him, and Droog planted a foot on his chest, pointing the short end at his neck. "I'll ruin my dress shirt now, thanks you fucking imbecile." Slick grabbed Droog's leg with his metal arm, and with a whir of power he threw Droog off of him and back into the wall. Droog grunted with the impact, and heard the whiz of air past his face as a knife embedded itself in the wall on either side of his head. Slick was there a second later, good eye blazing with shadow magic and somehow at eye level. He'd planted his feet on the wall and had a hand on one of his knives. Another hand was at Droog's neck, with his butterfly knife pushed against it.  
"Don't test me, beanpole." Droog growled, and his hand shot out, grabbing Slick by the neck and pulling him off of him. Slick immediately made a strangled noise, and grabbed Droog's hand with his own two.  
"Don't ruin my clothes then, you fucking savage." Slick's face reddened much quicker than it should have, and Droog raised an eyebrow. Was he already out of air? That's unusual, he was usually very good at telling how close people were to choking out. Slick's metal hand squeezed his wrist and he dropped him, trying to show that it was a warning. Slick stuck the landing and reached up and touched the bruising ring on his neck, breathing ragged. "Next time I won't stop until you're out cold." Slick made a small noise in his throat.  
"Ffuck." Droog's eyebrows drew together with apprehension.  
"Sli-" Moment's later Slick was back up on his post at Droog's eye level, and had kissed him so hard their teeth knocked together. There was an instant scramble as Droog kissed back without a second thought and dragged Slick's legs around his waist. He slid his hands up and held Slick close with fingers wrapped around his neck and squeezing gently, carefully leaving scratches over the carapace. Slick's hips jerked forward, wrapping his arms around Droog's neck and whining into his mouth. Droog gently bit Slick's lip and he opened his mouth slightly, letting Droog taste the blood on his lips and- Droog pulled back for a moment.  
"Yo- You taste like fuck-fucking Scottie dogs-" Slick growled back, pulling his hips flush with Droog.  
"N' you taste llike fucking Swedish fish an' nicotine." Droog yanked him back down into another lip tearing kiss, Slick reciprocating and sliding his tongue over Droog's. Droog raked his nails over Slick's neck, making him moan shakily and giving Droog better access. The taller Dersite stopped scratching up Slick's neck and grabbed his ass instead, making Slick jump against him. "Droog-" Droog stepped forward and whirled around, slamming Slick into the wall. Slick made a small desperate sound, Droog pressing against his crotch and squeezing his thighs. Slick scrambled to unbutton his shirt by a few buttons and pushed it back, pulling Droog's head down to his bare carapace. Droog complied with the obvious request and started sucking on his neck. Breathy whines filled the vault, Slick rutting against Droog as his neck was ravaged. Droog could taste the copper tang of blood leaking from the holes in Slick's carapace, and lapped it up immediately. Delicious flavor. Slick was clinging to Droog's jacket sides, breathlessly gasping as Droog scraped over his neck with sharp teeth.  
"F-Fuck Droog let me down-" Droog refused for a moment, taking time to leave a rough patch of carapace before Slick insisted by scratching the side of his head. Droog let him down only to have Slick push him up against the wall, noticeably red in the face and fiddle with Droog's belt. Droog ran a fingertip over Slick's jawline, making Slick shiver before he knelt and started working Droog's dick out of his pants.  
"This is a good- good look for you." Slick looked up at Droog and growled.  
"Shut up." Droog inhaled sharply when Slick wrapped his mouth around Droog's shaft. The taller Dersite grabbed the back of Slick's head, guiding him farther down onto his length. Droog's hips were shaking and he mumbled praise under his breath as Slick ran his tongue around his head, gently grazing the shaft with his teeth. Droog could feel warmth coiling in the pit of his stomach and he groaned.  
"Fuuuck, Slick your fucking mouth.." Slick chuckled around Droog's cock. The walkie talkie crackled to life.  
"Hey fellas, what's going on, me and Clubs are heading to the car." Droog growled in exasperation.  
"Yeah, wE-" Droog shoved Slick off his dick after a particularly hard suck. He hissed. "I'm on the line fuckin' stop it- Yeah Boxcars we've got all the money through a gateway, we're heading to your position now." Droog turned the line off and lost his controlling facade for only a moment to tuck himself back in and kick the wall.  
"Fuckin'-" Slick started buttoning up his shirt, mumbling cuss words. Droog grabbed Slick by the collar and pushed him against the wall again for the moment, hissing into his ear.  
"We'll be finishing this at home." Slick grinned weakly.  
"Hhheh, fine with me aasshole." Droog gently slid the remaining four bundles of money into his jacket pockets, gathered his pool cue, and left the vault at a fierce pace. Slick had to move faster to keep up with shorter legs. "Why are we moving so fast?" Droog smirked around a fresh cigarette as he moved through the bank.  
"The sooner we get back to Headquarters the sooner I get to fuck you so hard you can't walk straight." Slick choked on air and coughed into his fist as they left the bank, climbing into the back seats. Boxcars looked into the back, becoming concerned with the slight injuries on the two of them.  
"There you two are. Was there a scuffle?" Droog nodded, feigning indifference and blew smoke out the window.  
"Something like that." Slick crossed his ankles, hands covering his lap discretely. Boxcars revved up the car and started driving home, Deuce looking out the window. Droog stared fixedly forward and Slick glanced at him, trying to ignore the problem pressing against his fly. A hand that wasn't his rested on his thigh, and Slick stared down at it. Droog squeezed Slick's thigh, gently running his fingers over the outline of his cock. Slick immediately tensed up, hands clenched and resting at his sides.  
Droog glanced out the window, smoking with his free hand as he started languidly dragging two fingers over Slick's clothed erection in circles. Slick's breathing started falling apart, a lot less rhythmic. He closed his eyes and bit back a whine, hips twitching. Calm down don't make a sound don't let them know. Slick glanced around for something to do, and he thought about taking out his knife to stim but it made a noticeable "snikt" sound whenever he opened or closed it. Slick decided to fuck with Droog in the process of calming down.  
He reached out and yanked on Droog's tie, stealing his cigarette before releasing him and taking a long drag. Slick opened his eyes and saw the look on Droog's face. He looked like he had just been slapped in the face. The hand in Slick's lap quietly worked his belt open and slid inside his pants. Slick hissed quietly, but the eyes Droog was giving him shut him up. Droog somehow decided to be the most annoying and terrible person on the planet and started teasing him with only light strokes and Slick wanted to throttle him. Slick glared at Droog with venom in his eyes, but melted back into the seat when Droog dragged a thumb over his slit. Slick stared out the window, willing the car to move faster, anything to get him home sooner than later. This wasn't something easy to deal with, especially when you were wearing dress pants.  
As if the universe had answer Slick's begrudging request, the headquarters came into view around the bend. Boxcars pulled up on the curb and stopped, and Droog quickly removed his hand from Slick's pants and re-clipped his belt. Boxcars leaned into the backseat again.  
"Hey, are you guys going to stay here and deal with the loot? Me n' Clubs were hopin' to go out and celebrate or somethin'." Slick blew smoke lazily out the window.  
"Yeah, we ken deal with the cash. You two go do whatever the fuck you want." Droog exhaled unhappily.  
"Go ahead. Slick needs to help organize everything, he isn't very neat when chucking things haphazardly through a gateway." Slick growled. Boxcars grinned, and Clubs grabbed his arm.  
"Come on! I wanna get something sweet!" Boxcars' smile softened, and he patted Clubs on the hat.  
"Alright ya' pyromaniac, let's go." Everyone climbed out of the car with a flurry of activity, doors opening and closing quickly. Slick had never walked faster in his life, Droog looking over his shoulder to see Boxcars and Deuce heading down the street holding hands. Deuce was skipping every few steps, the naive little fella. Droog opened the door for Slick, and the second he was inside, he closed and locked it, pressing Slick up against the wall. Slick grumbled softly to himself.  
"Just fuck-fuckin' hurry up shithole-" Droog pressed a leg between Slick's and started kissing his neck again, moving his hips against Slick's and making the other gasp. "Dr-Droog you d-ICK jjust fuck me-" Droog squeezed Slick's ass and let him down, moving towards his bedroom door.  
"Impatient." Slick followed close behind, already working on the buttons of his shirt, kicking his shoes off in the doorway. Slick shucked his clothes onto the ground, Droog mumbling something about his poor treatment of his clothing. Slick growled at him to shut up, watching Droog slowly and carefully removing and folding his jacket, vest and button up. Slick saw him go to remove his tie, but leapt at the chance, yanking on it and pulling Droog on top of him, knocking both of them onto the bed. Droog made a rough sound in his throat at the tightening of his tie and kissed Slick hard, moving his hips against Slick's. Droog dragged his nails over Slick's sides and nipped at his chest. "Nh-Not playing ffair-" Slick moaned in response, scratching Droog's shoulders.  
"Chh-ouldn't resIST-" Droog grabbed Slick's crotch, making him bite back a gasp before starting to work Slick's pants off. Slick helped wriggle out of them, impatiently reaching for Droog's belt only to get his hands slapped away. Droog stood up and started carefully folding his and Slick's pants. Slick started yanking open Droog's end table drawers, looking for lube. He found a small bottle and almost a second later hands on his ankles yanked him back towards the end of the bed. Droog took the bottle and popped the cap, coating his fingers. He pushed Slick onto his back, pumping him and gently pushing a forefinger inside him. Slick winced a little. He was never used to that feeling. Droog gently toyed with Slick's cock, distracting him from the odd sensation.  
"Droog-" The taller shushed him, gently working him open and curling his fingers inside him. "Ggh-" Droog leaned down and wrapped his lips around Slick's length, teasing him gently and slowly working a second finger inside him. Slick started biting his wrist, stifling his groan. That damned Diamonds and his mouth. When Droog's teeth carefully dragged over his length Slick jerked upwards into his mouth, the other still working him suitably open with his lips wrapped around his dick.  
"Godammit- gET-HH- get your hhand out of my ass and switch it out." Droog slid his fingers out of Slick's entrance, leaning down once more to lick over the other's cock to make Slick shudder, before climbing over Slick and moving the other upwards as well, positioning himself and smirking down at him. "G- just- just fuckin' move, get i-in there you sh-shitdick." Droog complies and starts slowly pushing inside Slick, who bites his lip and squirms somewhat angrily, hissing encouragement. Droog keeps his mouth shut, but his mouth twitches slightly, the feeling of the still tight Slick being a lot to bear.  
"Relax." Slick tries his best to relax, letting his eyebrows relax and tilt upwards. When he feels the give, Droog slowly works his way inside Slick, who weakly complains about how slow he's moving. Droog retaliates with an irritated growl, and when he jerks his hips to spur himself further inside Slick he hears him curse. But that curse is weak and breaks into a shaky breath, Droog making a satisfied sound in his throat.  
Through gritted teeth Slick talks to himself, a mess of incomprehensible mumbling, and a few stifled moans. After Slick had enough of Droog's caution, he scratched at Droog's upper arms, hissing.  
"Fuckin' just fuckin fuck me you son of aHRKG-" Slick chokes off the rest of his phrase and wheezes out a raspy exhale, blushing dark faded crimson with Droog setting a quick pace and squeezing his hand around Slick's neck.  
"Didn't think I knew you liked this huh? second I touched your neck back in the safe you melted to your knees, bet if I had fucked your mouth until you ch- choked and you would have loved it." Droog's eyes narrowed into thin judgmental slits, with an overwhelmed slightly open mouth for air, still hissing threats and feeling how tight and hot Slick was. Lost in feeling, Droog nearly didn't notice when Slick started scratching at his hand. He let go quickly, watching Slick suck down air like a drowning man.  
"Shit, Slick you alri-" He'd stopped moving, and Slick yanked Droog'd head down close to his, scratching several lines down Droog's back.  
"I didn't stay stop fucking me Droogyy- aAH-" Droog growled, knocking Slick's head back with a sharp nip to Slick's throat, quickly drawing blood while he started back with his punishing pace, feeling Slick pulse around him and the pit of his stomach tightening up with a tense boiling heat. His hand moved and quickly wrapped around Slick's length, pumping him in sync with his movements and Slick groaned, which quickly turned into a scream of Droog's name when he sunk his teeth into Slick's neck and angled himself just right at the perfect moment. Feeling Slick tighten like a vice around him and drip over Droog's hand, he made Slick whimper loudly as he growled, squeezing Slick's cock in his hand and filling him, as deep inside Slick's pulsing walls as he could get.  
Slowly pulling out, Droog wiped his hand off on Slick's chest, who whined quietly, and let himself fall on his back next to Slick. Both dersites drew in breaths quickly, staring at the ceiling. Slick spoke first.  
"Hhhahh.. I hate you so much you- yyou fucking asshole.." Droog replied with a low rough chuckle, slowly scratching Slick's side.  
"But you need me." Slick turned to him on his side, reaching out to cup Droog's jaw. Before dragging his nails down Droog's face, who hissed slightly.  
"I hate you." He pulled Droog into a kiss, much gentler than Droog was expecting, who pulled a still shaky Slick closer. Slick made a small whining sound, pressing his face into Droogs chest and clung there with sharp nails. He curled up, pushing to wrap his legs with Droog's, who laid a hand on the back of his head gently. "I hate you."


End file.
